Still depressed/lonely. Low self esteem is far from fun...particularly when it causes you to cry for a half hour in the car....then again before bed.
I need cuddling, hugging, and affection....I need to know that if I was put into the hospital or something happened, that certain people would go out of their way to see me. I know my friends that are spread out around the country wouldn't be able to, but the ones that are at least in the state.....I just....I don't know. I feel as if something wereto happen, that everyone would be too busy/lazy to make the trip.
Don't worry. I won't be doing anything to myself. I may be depressed, but I'm not stupid. I just need to feel that I'm not a nuisance to folk.
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4 comments:
Oh my poor dear! I know online hugs are pretty low calorie but take all you can and need.*HUGS*
I'm glad to hear you're keeping a clear head and not thinking about anything stupid. I was in my twenties when I had a really bad patch and actually tried to off myself. I've still got the scars but time has shown me lots of great things that I would have missed if I'd been successful. You seem like such a great person that I really hope this passes pretty fast for you.
Do you have people that you're talking to? Is your family there for you? Make sure you don't cut people out,too many care about you!
If this makes you feel wierd then just ignore it,but if I can ever help-bandjnorman@gmail.com.
Hang in there,I really like to read your adventures out there on the other coast. You're my connection to warmth! LOL
Remember that lots of people love you even if they don't always say it. And I'm sure all your friends would come running if you were in trouble. Better days are coming,I promise! Norm
Hey, thanks for the comment...a lot of folk don't have much to say if I go off on them about my depressy states. Actually, a few of them seem to just try to change the subject.
I've talked to Joey a little bit about all of this....but he's got his own L.A. drama, so I don't want to be a burden...besides, he lives so far away, what could he do aside from feel guilty about not being here? Other than that, I've been talking to a friend of mine in Wisconsin who takes the time to text message me every morning to check on how I'm feeling. Heh.
I don't usually talk to others when I'm like this, though. I tend to draw or be creative in some other way. This time, I've been knitting Joey's Christmas gifts (which I won't even gaurantee he'll use....funny, it still makes me feel better to make them).
Other than that, going to the bar on Celtic Night tends to make me feel better. I like the music, and I have a few folk that I visit with there. Don't know them well enough to open up to yet, though.
You are obviously a talented, intelligent, attractive young woman. Your friends and family love you and care about you. They want you to be healthy and happy. We all have our bad days, sometimes we need a shoulder or an ear to get through them. Don't be afraid to reach out for help when you need it. Sometimes It's good to talk to someone you don't know personally. They can give you some unbiased perspective to your situation. I think your school would have counseling available to you or an anonymous hotline. I went through some rough patches and went to counseling, it was good to talk to someone that was not emotionally invested in my life or situation, that could help me look at things from a different point of view. It helped me sort out my feelings and to understand myself better.
Hey Linervo, thanks for the note. I'd love to have someone to open up to about all of this who could give me advice without being emotionally involved, but professionals make me nervous. Heh. Besides, campus is closed until late January. By then, it'll probably be somewhat sorted out...for good or bad.
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